Drawing Boundaries Without Hurting Family Ties

Annie Lane
Mon, 30 Mar 2026 21:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

Dear Annie: I've been married to my husband for six years, and for the most part we have a happy, peaceful life together. The one area where things feel complicated is with my in-laws.

My husband is very close to his parents, which is something I truly admire about him. They raised a kind, thoughtful son, and I know family means a lot to them. The challenge is that sometimes it feels like there's no clear boundary between their household and ours.

For example, his mother will often call him several times a day to check in, and she sometimes asks detailed questions about things that feel pretty personal — our finances, plans for the weekend, even disagreements we may have had. My husband tends to answer everything honestly because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. Meanwhile, I find myself wishing some parts of our life could remain just between the two of us.
Updated: Tue Mar 31, 2026

Dear Annie: I've been married to my husband for six years, and for the most part we have a happy, peaceful life together. The one area where things feel complicated is with my in-laws.

My husband is very close to his parents, which is something I truly admire about him. They raised a kind, thoughtful son, and I know family means a lot to them. The challenge is that sometimes it feels like there's no clear boundary between their household and ours.

For example, his mother will often call him several times a day to check in, and she sometimes asks detailed questions about things that feel pretty personal — our finances, plans for the weekend, even disagreements we may have had. My husband tends to answer everything honestly because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. Meanwhile, I find myself wishing some parts of our life could remain just between the two of us.

There are also frequent "drop-ins." His parents live only 15 minutes away, and while I appreciate that they want to spend time together, there have been moments when they've shown up without calling first. I try to be gracious, but sometimes it feels like our home isn't fully our own.

I don't want to create tension between my husband and his parents, and I certainly don't want to come across as the difficult daughter-in-law. At the same time, I believe every marriage needs a little space to grow and develop its own rhythm.

When I've gently mentioned this to my husband, he says his parents are just being loving and that they've always been this way. I understand that, but I'm starting to feel like my comfort level isn't being taken seriously.

How can I encourage healthier boundaries with my in-laws without making my husband feel like he has to choose between his family and me? — Trying to Find Boundaries

Dear Boundaries: It sounds as though your in-laws care very much about their son and are happy to have you in the family. That kind of closeness can be a real blessing, even if it occasionally feels like a little too much of a good thing.

The key conversation here is with your husband. Let him know that your wish for a bit more privacy does not come from a lack of appreciation for his parents. It simply comes from wanting the two of you to have space to build your own rhythm as a couple. Small adjustments, such as calling before stopping by or keeping certain topics just between the two of you, can make everyone more comfortable.

Families do best when love is paired with a little understanding on all sides. With patience and a gentle touch, you can create boundaries that still leave plenty of room for warmth.