The Bare-Minimum Brunch Guest

Annie Lane
Thu, 02 Apr 2026 21:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

Dear Annie: My husband and I host Easter brunch every year for both sides of the family — about 16 people total. I cook a big frittata, a glazed ham, homemade rolls and a salad or two.

My problem is my sister-in-law, "Brenda." For the past four years, she has signed up to bring dessert. And every year, she arrives with the exact same thing: a single grocery-store container of brownies.

Last year, she set it next to the spread without even taking the brownies out of their plastic container. Meanwhile, I'm prepping for days in advance trying to get the food cooked and nicely presented.
Updated: Fri Apr 03, 2026

Dear Annie: My husband and I host Easter brunch every year for both sides of the family — about 16 people total. I cook a big frittata, a glazed ham, homemade rolls and a salad or two.

My problem is my sister-in-law, "Brenda." For the past four years, she has signed up to bring dessert. And every year, she arrives with the exact same thing: a single grocery-store container of brownies.

Last year, she set it next to the spread without even taking the brownies out of their plastic container. Meanwhile, I'm prepping for days in advance trying to get the food cooked and nicely presented.

No one says anything because Brenda laughs it off and calls herself "the low-maintenance aunt." But it's starting to irritate me that everyone else tries while she treats it like a joke.

Is it petty to ask her to either bring a better dessert or something else entirely? — Tired of Bad Brownies

Dear Tired of Bad Brownies: She said she'd bring dessert and, technically, she did. If you're upset about what type of dessert she brought, then you'll have to be more specific.

Next time, give Brenda clearer marching orders: Ask her to stop by a good bakery or send along a recipe you'd love her to try. If she refuses, assign dessert to someone else — and let Brenda bring paper napkins.

It's frustrating that she's not putting in effort on her own accord, but maybe food just isn't the way she shows her love.

Dear Annie: My sister just got divorced. Her husband is my regular bowling partner, and I'm used to seeing him often. When she married him 23 years ago, she wanted me to welcome him into my world. I did and do not regret it.

Now she wants me to choose between him or her. Nothing abusive or criminal happened in the marriage. She just fell out of love with him and wanted a new life.

My ex-brother-in-law sees me as a close friend and that's fine with me. I am in my 70s and my friend list is shrinking. I see him more than my sister. I don't want to be an awful brother, but I feel wrong about neglecting him, too. Any help? — Formerly Bowling Brothers

Dear Bowling Brothers: Your sister's divorce changes her relationship with her ex-husband, but it doesn't erase the friendship you've built over the last two decades. You welcomed him into your life at her request, and that bond doesn't disappear just because their marriage did.

Still, her feelings matter. She may not want reminders of that chapter of her life, especially so soon after the divorce.

Be honest with her. Tell your sister you love her and will always be loyal to her as a brother, but that your friendship with her ex is meaningful, too. Promise to be thoughtful about when and how you see him — bowling outings are different from family gatherings.

Loyalty doesn't always mean choosing sides. Sometimes it means treating everyone with fairness and respect.