When a Friend's 'Help' Feels Like a Put-Down

Annie Lane
Mon, 23 Mar 2026 21:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

Dear Annie: I'm having a problem that feels small, but it's starting to make me dread seeing someone I care about.

One of my closest friends has gotten into the habit of "correcting" me in public. If I tell a story, she interrupts to adjust a detail. If I mention a restaurant, she jumps in with the exact neighborhood and the chef's name. If I pronounce a word slightly wrong, she repeats it back the right way with a smile that's supposed to be playful.

At first, I brushed it off. She's smart and she has always been a little particular. But lately, it feels constant, and it makes me feel foolish. The worst part is she does it in front of other people, and I can see them glance at me like I'm the one who's sloppy or clueless.
Updated: Tue Mar 24, 2026

Dear Annie: I'm having a problem that feels small, but it's starting to make me dread seeing someone I care about.

One of my closest friends has gotten into the habit of "correcting" me in public. If I tell a story, she interrupts to adjust a detail. If I mention a restaurant, she jumps in with the exact neighborhood and the chef's name. If I pronounce a word slightly wrong, she repeats it back the right way with a smile that's supposed to be playful.

At first, I brushed it off. She's smart and she has always been a little particular. But lately, it feels constant, and it makes me feel foolish. The worst part is she does it in front of other people, and I can see them glance at me like I'm the one who's sloppy or clueless.

I've tried joking about it. I've tried ignoring it. I've even said, lightly, "You know I don't need the footnotes." She laughs and says I'm being sensitive, or that she's "just helping." Then I feel embarrassed for bringing it up at all.

I don't want to lose this friendship. She's been there for me through a lot. But I also don't want to keep swallowing this irritation until I snap and say something harsh.

How do I handle this in a way that keeps my dignity and keeps the peace? — Tired of Being Edited

Dear Tired: This is not small. It is about respect.

Speak to her privately and plainly. Tell her, "I care about you, but when you correct me in front of other people, I feel embarrassed. Please stop." There's no need for jokes, speeches or courtroom evidence.

Sometimes anxious people interrupt and polish details without realizing how it lands. Their mind is trying to steady itself by being precise. A good friend does not just swallow irritation. A good friend gives the truth kindly, so the other person has a chance to do better.

If she values your friendship, she will listen and make an effort. If she dismisses your feelings, then you will learn something important about what this friendship can and cannot give you.

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 18 years and generally have a good life together, but we cannot agree on one thing: his mother. She lives 10 minutes away and treats our house like it is a branch office of her own.

She lets herself in when she "was just in the neighborhood," comments on my laundry pile, rearranges things in my kitchen and once actually brought me new throw pillows because mine looked "tired." Last week, I came home to find she had let herself in and was "helping" by cleaning out my refrigerator. Apparently, my mustard situation was deeply concerning.

My husband says I should ignore it because "that's just how she is," but I am starting to feel like a guest in my own home. I do not want a family war, but I also do not want to come home one day and find she has replaced me with a nicer lamp.

How do I set boundaries without becoming the villain in her story? — Locked Out of My Own Life

Dear Locked Out: Your mother-in-law may mean well, but good intentions do not come with a skeleton key. "That's just how she is" is often code for "no one has stopped her."

It's your husband's job to take the lead here. He needs to lovingly but firmly tell his mother that visits require an invitation and a knock. Boundaries are not rude. They are the lock on the door that keeps resentment from moving in.