Teasing or Tearing Down?

Annie Lane
Wed, 18 Mar 2026 21:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

Dear Annie: My younger sister is getting married this fall. I'm happy for her. The problem is her fiance.

At family dinners he makes little digs at her — jokes about her cooking, her spending, even her weight. When she laughs uncomfortably, he says, "Relax, you're too sensitive." Last Sunday, he teased her about "finally locking him down before 35," and everyone chuckled. She smiled, but I cringed.

I pulled her aside once and asked if she was ever offended by some of his "jokes." She told me I was overreacting and that this is just his sense of humor. The wedding invitations have gone out. Do I have to trust that she knows what she's doing, or should I try to talk to her again? — Worried Big Sister
Updated: Thu Mar 19, 2026

Dear Annie: My younger sister is getting married this fall. I'm happy for her. The problem is her fiance.

At family dinners he makes little digs at her — jokes about her cooking, her spending, even her weight. When she laughs uncomfortably, he says, "Relax, you're too sensitive." Last Sunday, he teased her about "finally locking him down before 35," and everyone chuckled. She smiled, but I cringed.

I pulled her aside once and asked if she was ever offended by some of his "jokes." She told me I was overreacting and that this is just his sense of humor. The wedding invitations have gone out. Do I have to trust that she knows what she's doing, or should I try to talk to her again? — Worried Big Sister

Dear Worried Big Sister: You've already voiced your concern once. That was loving and appropriate. Repeating it now, especially with invitations mailed, is unlikely to change her mind — but it could push her away at a time when she may need you most.

So here is the balance: Stand by her. Don't criticize him publicly. Instead, strengthen her privately. Make sure she knows she deserves respect, not ridicule disguised as charm.

If the teasing is harmless, time will prove it. If it is not, she will remember who treated her with steady kindness.

Dear Annie: I just read a letter from one of your young readers struggling to pick the right career choice. I want to note that a career choice should be looked at as dating. It's trial and error, and realizing what we don't want helps us figure out what we do want.

Viewing it this way will take a lot of pressure off the upcoming generation, especially as they enter an unstable job market with lots of technological changes. I'm 67 years old but recall the needless stress I put on myself in my 20s. I changed my major and had a few jobs early on that weren't the right fit but eventually found a job that was perfect for my skills and kept me challenged and engaged for the past 38 years. I retired a few weeks ago with no regrets. I know I got here because I was never afraid to reinvent myself. — Looking Back

Dear Looking Back: Very few lives unfold in tidy, uninterrupted lines. Most are zigzags — and the detours often teach us the most.

Thank you for reminding readers — of every age — that thoughtful wandering is not wasted time.